Saturday, November 20, 2010
Saying Goodbye to Vermont
Today I went into Burlington and sat on the pier looking out onto the lake. The wind was freezing and the lake was choppy. At first I was just killing time, I had put tons of change in the meter and didn't want to head home yet. But as I sat there with my mind rushing, I realized that I was trying to make the moment stick. It was as if I wanted to keep that picture of the mountains and lake in my mind forever. A mental snapshot summing up our time in Vermont. It's sad in a way but I also know that this isn't the place for us. So I sat there, as my feet and thighs burned in the cold, willing myself to feel a sense of balance. There has been so much change in my life and not just recently- there's always been tons of change in my life. And as resistant to it as I am, I think it's also comforting in way because it's what I know.
So as my living room is strewn with empty boxes, and as I dismantle another "home" in preparation of yet another move- I need to CHILL. I made myself sit there this afternoon, staring at the most beautiful lake I've ever seen until I accepted that our move wasn't a failure and that we're going to make it- that everything will work out.
I just always have that feeling like I'm waiting... waiting for my "real" life to begin. I think I'd better go ahead and start that life before I'm eighty and feeling like I've somehow misspent my life. So, as scared and excited as I am for our move to Philadelphia: finding an apartment, finding a job (and not just any job- a job I will love going to everyday)- I'm just going to go for it. Even if we end up pimping Dusty out for grocery money... :)
It's not that I don't think there were good things that came of our time up north I mean, while it was scary to not have full time work and to rely on freelance work and handbag sales- I had time to do things I've always wanted to do like, upholstery and sewing garments. I've even had more time to develop my handbag designs. I was able to teach sewing classes for the first time and I made a great friend in the process. VT was also good for Dusty. He gained confidence in his design and woodworking skills and realized that perhaps he is ready to do it for a living. In fact, he has an interview with a very famous woodworking shop in PA and I couldn't be more proud of him. It's just hard to move again and that's what this post is about. thanks.